K Is Trying

Hello, my name is K and I am trying. Trying to find the best ways of being. It’s rough because there are so many people trying to tell you who to be at all times. There is no general respect for our own ability to self-determine. Everybody seems to be afraid of everyone else’s freedom. I know that I have been afraid of my own.

I realized a while ago as a hard-working woman that my hard work often served others more than myself which created an imbalance. I was not getting back what I was putting in. Not because hard work doesn’t pay off. It’s not work hard or work smart, it’s both. It is not good to continue to give too much in spaces that do not value you.  

These realizations have set me into unchartered territory. Reclaiming your freedom is one thing; knowing how to make good use of that freedom is another. Not to mention that I continue to subsist under systems that demand participation through conformity and subjugation. But in times where the worst kinds of people are having their way, it is not the time for good people to be shy and quiet. It is a time to take ahold of our lives knowing that whatever we do is not for the harm of anybody.

Through therapy, research, introspection, and general learning I have begun to build myself in order to build a life in which I can regularly experience joy and fulfill a purpose that will enable me to put as much, if no more, out into the world as what I take. As I continue on my journey to establish myself in a way that I feel validates my existence, I will continue to look for the best things to inspire me and recognize that nothing has to be the way it is. Everything is a choice, but too much of the time we subjugate ourselves to other people’s choices for us. I am looking to the rainbow in the midst of storm. People don’t realize that rainbows do not typically follow the end of the storm; they are actually the sun shining through the dwindling rain drops which breaks the light into the range of ROYGBIV. I know this month in particular, the rainbow symbolizes the LGBTQIA+ community, however, the rainbow is a symbol for all people to understand that storms are temporary and necessary. Spring storms bring Summer greens. 

I say all of this to say that as much as there is to make me want to give up, there is so much more that ensures me that I must persist. So for better or worse, I am trying.