This is officially my 7th consecutive day posting on this site. I accomplished my goal of posting for a week straight. I am so proud of myself. This is a big step in me establishing greater confidence and trust in myself by actually doing what I want to do. Go figure!
I’ve been contemplating love a lot. Always, but I think my focal point is changing. I realized a while ago that I was in the process of living my own love story with myself. I have been trying to fall in love with me in acknowledgment that I will not be happy or capable of achieving my dreams until I feel like I deserve it. My lack of belief in myself has kept me from really putting my heart into going after my dreams because I just didn’t believe I could do it, which became a self-fulfilling prophecy. How can I do what I don’t believe I can? There is only so much that you can surprise yourself. I wouldn’t even try to do a lot of things because I believed that I couldn’t. That was my self defeat. I’ve been my own biggest op.
That realization, while liberating, also makes me sad. I could have done so much more if I had known sooner. But that’s not the point. Many people never make it to the point of taking full responsibility for their lives. You can’t be everything you need and want to be until you take full responsibility for your own life. Even when you have people who love you, they are supplemental. If your life is miserable you can try to blame others, but that’s not going to get you anywhere. Successfully blaming someone else does not stop the fact that it is your life and whether or not you scapegoat somebody else for why you are suffering, you are still suffering. If nobody ever does anything about it, you will be the one left suffering. So ultimately it always comes back to you. Your parents owe you until a point, but eventually we have to take responsibility for ourselves. The greatest way to do that is to love yourself enough to be willing to do what it takes to live a good life. It’s not about who else tells you what a good life is. It is about your experience. We are too quick to disregard our feelings when our feelings are our direct reaction to what we are experiencing. We shouldn’t make decisions solely based off of our emotions, but they should play a role.
Anyway, I’m about to go make myself a nice hot cup of French Vanilla hot chocolate with some irish cream licquer, just like I’ve been wanting. Another part of today’s enjoyment. I’ll see you all tomorrow when I extend my streak…
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